I am writing this blog post from a coffee shop a week after graduation and let me tell you: IT FEELS GOOD!
It was a flood of emotions this past few weeks as I completed coursework, completed my tenure as student body president, and tried to relax and celebrate the fact that the most formative three years of my life was officially coming to an end. I won’t even mention the amount of stress of trying to figure out how to re-enter the real world after school (including things like finding a job, paying bills, body adjustments to normal sleep hours, etc.). But even in all of the craziness, one thing was very prominent to me: God’s faithfulness.
About a week or two before graduation, everyone was asking the same thing: what are you doing after graduation? It is the most obvious question, and (especially when you can’t answer it) the most annoying. At that point, I didn’t know. I knew I wanted to peruse a PhD in theology and the arts, but there was at least a year between me and that goal, and I had no idea of what to do in the meantime (and by that I mean, I needed a JOB!). With each passing day of not knowing, I questioned God’s faithfulness. Will I find a job? What about rent? Was this all for nothing? It was then that God reminded me of a similar state three years ago. At the time I applied to Fuller I had just lost my job, I was depressed, I questioned who I was as an artist, not to mention who I was as a Christian. It was that day that God took my state, and my last $75 and turned everything around, as it was only a month between my sad state and my first class at Fuller. Though the next three years, God continued to show his faithfulness by giving me community, a job on campus, academic opportunities like being a Teachers Assistant, studying abroad, being sponsored to attend conferences and eventually the opportunity to receive an artist scholarship and the ability to serve as student body president. The problem wasn’t God’s faithfulness, it was my own lack of faith.
In realizing that, I decided to be like the father in Mark and ask God to “help my unbelief.” It was quite difficult, but totally worth it. Thursday of finals week, two days before graduation, I was offered a job! Not just any job mind you, but one that would be perfect as I sort out next steps for PhD.
Now, as a write from this coffee shop, the second of a three week holiday with a job on the other end, I write knowing a little bit more of what it means to believe in the faithfulness of God. I dare not say that I am an expert on the subject in any way, only that I have learned a little more in this lifelong lesson. Though I realize that my experience is not everyone’s, I hope that my testimony of God’s faithfulness in my life will encourage you to step out a little more and believe that it can be possible for you as well.